Childproof

Keep your child safe from harm. Most parents can figure how to protect their child on-the-fly (problem-solving), but it’s a significant energy-drain to solve each situation as if new.

Many parents opt for a Basic Parenting 101 class, read a book, or watch a video. Any education in how to take care of a baby commonly includes tips for childproofing your home. Near-always, childproofing education includes learning what a baby can and cannot do and ways to arrange the home around those facts.

Like other topics in this column for parents, there’s plenty of other information here on the internet. My slant on childproofing is not like any I’ve seen elsewhere.

The fact that most children change as they grow is indisputable. Child development is often disregarded in much of what the public reads, however. Too much is said in the name of [all] children.

Exactly which ages are covered by the word ‘children’? I mean, what applies to a 2-year-old does not necessarily apply to a 4-year-old. Substitute any two other numbers in the last sentence and the sentence will be generally true.

I offer you a developmental perspective for childproofing, not just your house, but your life, for your children – ages – birth until, oh, until they are functioning as adults.

If you know some music suitable to accompany a sentimental story from a parent about their college-aged-child’s infancy, play it in your head now. Studly Hubby and I were enjoying our evening ritual of sitting beside the bathtub as our first-born, our pride-and-joy for a mere 8 months, sat independently and happily playing in the water. The music should be sweet and light like butterflies fluttering nearby; joy and happiness in the air. Until, the music may stop or indicate sudden high drama, in an instant, the perfect baby’s butt slipped forward in the tub and he went under! We both saw it, even before his nose hit water, but some kind of time warp ensued. Our baby’s movement was light speed and ours was in slow motion. I vividly remember (my brain myelinated this memory well) trying to get over my own legs, reaching desperately to pull him from the six-inch-depths, seconds ticking away as my fingertips slowly moved past my toes, my legs even slower to bend and tuck under the equally slow forward movement of my trunk until finally, my palms were around his chest and lifting him to our loving reassurance, sputtering and crying. Imagine the Hallelujah chorus. SH’s memory includes the same time warp, so we know it truly happened.

There is no better childproofing than observation by and the proximity of an adult who cares. [This is the most important childproofing there is and the first theme of this essay.]

Nothing, no thing, no special equipment or perfect product provides safety for a child like the proximity and oversight of an adult who cares about the child.

No matter whether you cover electrical outlets, use the latest safety equipment, hide cleaning chemicals, and put the kitty litter out-of-reach, if you can see your child and get to them quickly, the risk from unexpected and serious harm is very low.

Subtitle: How to let go of constant supervision in a developmentally-appropriate timeline, or based on the child’s abilities, not ages.

In the baby-can’t-move-himself-anywhere stage you can move him everywhere with you*. If he is awake, take him wherever you go in the house. He will benefit from being in different positions throughout the day, so perhaps in your bedroom he is on his tummy in a netted-fold-up crib. In the kitchen he is in some kind of baby carrier – quasi-sitting.

In other areas, he might be in a swing, or sling-seat. Since most babies are now put to sleep on their backs, it is important for them to spend some of their awake-time on their tummies. Babies who are always on their backs or in a firm but padded carrier can develop mis-shaped heads (flat on the back). (*Car seats and restraints will not be covered here.)

Children cannot be left in the bath without supervision for years – so make it part of your lifestyle to hand-bathe the baby daily. You may take your hands away from the baby while he is in the water only if you are right next to him and he is supported in equipment that keeps his head out of the water.

Your baby can be left in a safe crib arrangement in another room so long as you can hear when he wakes or if he makes sounds of distress. Technology allows 21st-century parents to have electronic baby monitors, commonly for sound but also with video. Outside of sleeping time*, the nearer you are to your baby, the quicker you can attend to any circumstance that might harm him. (*The family bed will not be discussed here.)

In the she-can-roll-and-scootch stage is when you begin to think the floor is the safest place, since one cannot fall from the floor. And the floor, on a clean blanket, is a common spot for babies in our culture.

However, once she can roll, you will be constantly moving her back to blankie - if you are concerned with the baby’s exposure to the colony of germs that live on floors. The main difference from the previous stage is that you should no longer leave the baby on any raised surface, like a bed or couch, where she can roll-off.

Even in this first stage of limited movement ability, your baby may grasp and bring to her mouth things she shouldn’t. Already, and for several years, you will need to keep small inedible objects or foods that require chewing from her reach to prevent choking and poisoning.

In the he-can-sit-where-you-plant-him stage you might be able to extend the use of a floor blanket if he is content to sit and play.

In addition to providing safe areas in each room in your house, you might find it easier to keep a separate supply of toys in each room. Babies don’t need near as many toys as they are often provided – all at once. If you have the means and a generous family, sort the toys into containers for each room. This also saves you from moving the toys around room to room.

Once she is able to crawl, the whole floor is open to her if you allow. Here is where door gates can be useful if your doors are within gate size. If your home is palatial or mansion-level or with wide open spaces between rooms you can likely afford more expansive in-home fencing products.

The key here is to keep the baby near you, and have some containment, if necessary, in every area. Or, you can compulsively remove everything you do not want your child to touch to a level of three feet above the floor. One of our close friends observed how items elevated between each visit to our home during our first-born’s baby-year.

There are both long-term and short-term benefits to keeping your baby off the stairs or steps in your house. From the beginning, do not let him think that the stairs are a place to play. Gate or block the top and bottom of stairs. Even crawling-up three steps puts him in the position of falling-down three steps.

The pull-to-stand and cruising stage might also be called the he-can-stand-where-you-plant-him stage. Before he is able to take steps freely, you might stand him near a piece of furniture, momentarily, just to free your own hands to do something else.

I think couches are wonderful for allowing a baby to cruise, or take sideways steps while next-to or holding-onto furniture. I have often recommended putting the baby’s toys on the couch to encourage pull-to-stand, or as a place for baby to play in standing.

Also pay attention to how he gets out of standing. We would like to see him sit to get out of standing, or reach forward and get on hands-and-knees – to crawl away! Staying in any stage too long or crashing from standing – many times or frequently – might indicate your baby needs to be seen by a physician.

Walking and running are different and not just in terms of speed. By definition running occurs when there is a millisecond that both feet are in the air. Here’s the childproof concern regarding running or walking very fast – your child moves faster than he can logically plan or think.

You will be thinking ahead for your child for many years to come. Thinking ahead is a major childproof technique.

The same precautions already mentioned apply to the child who can walk freely or walk very fast. Keep items that are a choke-hazard or poisonous if swallowed out reach and sight of your mobile child.

Another think-ahead task is to stabilize or move items that your now-toddler could reach, grasp, and pull-down onto her head. In the kitchen, be sure to turn all pot handles inward on the stove. This is a good safety habit forever. My children now cook for themselves, and I still turn all pot handles inward on the stove.

Which leads me to climbing – something some children are prone to and some children are not. Since I have spent the better part of my career working with children who have movement delays or impairments, I think a child who climbs is a wonder. If you are thinking that your active, climb-at-any-opportunity child is a burden, you have a problem not covered in this essay.

Be grateful for your child who moves easily and explores the world. You will give your child important preparation for learning to read and do math if you provide him with safe places and ample time to move and explore.

At about this stage of movement-development, many children are provided a toy to ride. With the very first tricycle require your child to wear a helmet. Wearing a helmet should seem normal and adult-like to a pre-schooler riding a trike. Setting this precedent will make it automatic when your child learns to ride a bicycle, scooter, or skateboard.

Learning to swim is a good skill for all children - at whatever age parents choose. Swimming is a skill that will serve your child for his lifetime.

If at all possible, involve your child in formal swimming lessons. There both you and your child will learn all the safety measures necessary to prevent drowning or injury from diving and jumping into shallow water. For those of you who choose to do the teaching yourself, never leave a child alone in a pool. [Same rules as the bathtub.]

As your child becomes older and more competent in the water, require a ‘buddy system’ where no one is allowed to swim without someone else around – someone who can manage a water emergency. Tell your child the rules of the pool.

Each recommendation here prevents a different possible harm to your child. Serious harm is possible during swimming. Be mindful of increased risk for harm in rivers, streams and oceans – less visibility for what’s under water and the potential of wildlife.

I think children under the age of seven years should not play organized sports – especially competitive sports. The few children who are phenomenally talented for a certain game AND have parents who wish to encourage them – those children can begin training for the Olympics or to compete for college scholarships. However, any sport, especially a team sport usually played by adults is mostly inappropriate for young children. Howl all you want and click-off this page, but my reasons are sound and developmentally-based. My opinions on sports and physical education are best read in my chapter in the book: Ergonomics for Children.

Notwithstanding the equipment and surfaces of a playground, you also need to make a judgment about the other people who are also using the playground. Adults without children who seem to be just watching are to be avoided – that is, take your child elsewhere, stay very close to your child, or begin conversation with the adult and assess the level of risk that person poses.

Do not allow someone you do not know to photograph your child, and confront people or call for help if someone is photographing your child without your permission. Carefully observe children who are older than your child who try to play with her. The wider the gap in age between your child and another approaching child the more restrictive you should be at the playground.

While I’m critical of others for not being specific-enough about using the term children, I take the liberty to expand the meaning of the word harm. What harms children?

Notice I did not say keep your child safe from death or serious injury. The data on death and serious injury in children is available to anyone who wants to find it. The data on death and serious injury in children is sometimes foisted on us in a manner intended to educate (scare) us, the public. The data on death and serious injury in children is also easy to ignore as not applying to us, to our own children.

The ease with which we can ignore disaster-level statistics suggests that we have been over-inundated by that kind of information. The data on death and serious injury in children will reach and affect some parents, and therefore can be an effective means of changing some parents’ behavior. But alone, data on disaster is insufficient to influence a majority of parents.

Harm is subjective.

What you deem to be harmful is individual to you.

What harms your child is what you do not want to see in the life of your child. If you do not want your child to feel pain, be scarred, fail kindergarten, or die, you will make decisions and act in a way to protect your child from those harms.

Here is the second theme of this essay: deciding for yourself what is best for your children. This is a critical component of parenting that I do not see in public education.

Unless a parent takes personal responsibility for their own child, they will not fully invest in that child.

Parenting can be difficult and not everyone has the benefit of sharing the responsibility with the other parent of the child under the umbrella of love and life-long commitment. But all children and all parents can benefit from parents feeling and maintaining that awesome responsibility for another person.

The feeling you get when you see your baby, the love and attachment that emerges and develops can get clouded by the mundane and repetitive care that a child requires. But it is that love and attachment that keeps the care going, sustains the parental investment and sense of responsibility beyond the time the child is cute and compliant.

Keeping your child from harm is a reflection of your commitment to your child, and it is a decision.

Decide what you think is best, safest for your child.

During your child’s childhood, you will meet plenty of parents who make decisions different from you. But even the other parents closest to you, dare I mention, relatives, will not feel the consequences of your decisions like you will, or your child will.

Owning and comfortably implementing parental decisions requires a certain level of maturity and self-confidence – one of the reasons why teens are discouraged from having children.

Back to statistics and research, the data exists, even if it is not represented in the major media outlets of television, radio, publications and the internet.

Successful adults come from parents who have participated in their education, who have attended church regularly, who have family meals more days than not, who supported extracurricular activities during high school and who enforced limitations on the use of money and time for pleasure.

How do you define harm to your child?

What are you willing to do to ensure the safety of your child, from birth to adulthood?

How do you want your child to turn-out?

Safety is critical to a child’s development. Providing a safe home and life is one of three things I recommend for building intelligence. Feeling safe and secure are fertile emotions for learning. Learning is tough when you are in fear or injured. In fact, persistent fear alters the brain development of a child who lives in fear - negatively.

Childproofing is definitely an important aspect of child development, for all children.

My Studly Hubby and I agreed early-on that no one cares about our children like we do. No one. No matter how much you pay them. ‘Childproof’ the people you trust to care for your child.

Let your child have responsibility for herself - inasmuch as you have 'childproofed' her, too. 

 

Comments

[Julie]

What a lot to think about. :) Thank you!

[Trish @ Another Piece of the Puzzle]

What a thorough discussion of the topic - thank you for sharing all of this. It helps so much to think long term instead of just making decisions based on the feeling of the moment.

[Trish @ Another Piece of the Puzzle]

Reading this again is just as helpful now. I really appreciate the comment that the adult be right there with the child is the best safety net.

And I totally agree with not giving free rein to pre-teens and teenagers without a very gradual and clear progression to independence.

Thanks again!

[The Barbara who lives here]

I know this one is long, Julie. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

Thank you, too, Trish, for adding to this page with affirmation and more eloquent phrasing. "just making decisions based on the feeling of the moment" - I need to remember that for future use - promise to give you reference!

[Danette]

This is a lot of great info... I totally agree that a safe environment is essential to promote development (and parental sanity!).