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Parenting two teens has been nothing less than challenging for Studly Hubby and me these past 7 years. On occasion I have mused that adolescence might qualify as a diagnosis. Who are you and what have you done with my child?!

Communication between parent and child changes dramatically when the child tips into the variously-defined transition time before the even more poorly designated age of adulthood.

From very early in my parenting experience I stressed had anxiety was concerned with how we would parent teen children. I worried when our children were toddlers, seeking independence, resisting all manner of socialization and characteristically responding with the ubiquitous word NO. I would say to myself, “Self, just imagine he is looking you in the eye and behaving that way.”

Lo and behold, my concerns were validated.

As parents to toddlers and teens SH and I sought to respond to them lovingly but in the direction of our values.

Seemed like a constant judgment call.

Each expression for independence had to be weighed with a baseline for safety, anticipation of future consequences and a desire to prompt our children to the next level of maturity. Not to mention the fierce drive to acquiesce and delve into denial of our children’s unequivocal diagnosis teen-aged-ness. For those laudable intentions we were indeed the meanest and most restrictive parents in the world.

With constant judgment came constant need to flex and problem-solve for more appropriate discipline all the while remembering we are the adults and still the most powerful people in their lives.

Easier said than done. [Could've been the title for this post.]

So after years of promoting reading in our family by keeping tv viewing to a minimum we sometimes took a library card into possession. [Can.you.believe.it?!] Ultimately for any teen-parent disagreements we have always held close the car keys and money.

We were repeatedly led to believe that our children would benefit from the parameters of our love. We did not get that message from the children – nope, nada, zip, zero.

Well, unless we sometimes interpreted from their actions, choices and expressions other than yelling verbal. Like this art piece Younger Teen produced for my Christmas gift last year.

I’m not art expert, but the owl pair appears to be a parent and offspring, with an enlarged watchful eye on the younger of the two. Framed just above my pc screen, this late expression from our child gives me a measure of comfort and brings a smile to my face. I think Younger Teen likes our oversight as much as she wants to break free from it. And isn’t that the oxymoronic essence of adolescence?

So along with the many demands of parenting we have also learned to know our children through interpreting their art, their many expressions.

Welcome to my second annual blog carnival on child development.

Childhood Expressions

My heartfelt thanks to each and every one of you who offered a post to share here. I encourage all readers to leave a comment on carnival entries.

From my odd combination of parental experience and chosen learning I conclusively declare parental authority and expertise for interpreting the expressions of children . More simply, you know your children best as evidenced by the many blog posts shared in this carnival.

Interpreter is exactly how Mrs. Mac describes herself during an ophthalmology appointment for Nathan [whose photo shows surprising and coincidental resemblance to my owlish-self] . Seems to me that Nathan communicated more clearly than the ophthalmologist who declared his Eyes OK . And then again - not?

That whole child-changes-to-teen thing keeps other parents guessing, too. “Finally, it started to occur to Jim and me, maybe Charlie doesn't really want what he's asking for?” I could learn a lot from Kristina’s careful depiction of Charlie’s behavior and what he may be expressing – in a new and unique way.

Testing-out a new phrase in a variety of situations is what Danette concluded Bitty was doing with repeating the same phrase. Read to learn how she cleverly gave his repeated phrase back to him to extend the meaning.

(Thankfully) Margaret agrees with me on the constantly changing expressions of children. I relate to her parental sentimentality of children’s expressions created through play that promotes development .

Stacey shows us that certain expressions are strikingly similar between father and son. She also reminds us that many expressions are unique to each family . [As it should be, Stacey.]

Terri’s family has some of those unique sayings. I can’t (help but) like it that Terri learned to respond quickly to pronouncements not otherwise interpreted as I’m going to throw a toy at my sister!

Even literal expressions can require interpretation, however. Literal and almost – that’s how both mommy~dearest and her son Jaysen express themselves. m~d is still thinking literal ly when she asks for cotton candy with this carnival. [Ahem.] Then she almost gets it right by calling me silly for letting her into the carnival. [I think you have been looking in the funhouse mirrors, m~d.] Read some of her favorite-Jaysen-expressions to see truth in the age-old adage like mom like son .

Proving that a professional can sometimes get it right when interpreting a child, Viktoria tells us how India came to express things both illogical and farcical . Are you sure India is not already a teen, Viktoria?

Bethany shows us the power of language through the story of Katerina. Rather, the power a child can exert by decidedly not communicating . So many ways to say no, eh, Bethany?

Several other bloggers also have an artist in the family.

Lisa’s family has bona fide artists and an artist-in-the-making. She shows us how easy and worthwhile it is to support the expressions of a budding artist . [I love having something in common with Lisa!]

I also love how several entrants depicted our children are like us . That whole nature-vs-nurture thing fascinates me, you know.

In a way that only a British ex-patriot can, Maddy connects her daughter’s expression with her own childhood expression . I am very fond of Maddy’s accompanied-by-original-art-expressions, but I think she has another word for it – whitter? I mean, she calls herself whitterer, so she must whitter, right? American translation, please?

Artistic expression is often interpreted to depict emotion. When accompanied by early cryptic words, there was no doubt in a mother’s mind. Danette (who with 3runningincircles, yes, gets a couple of more entries) found out about a spat and make-up between her twins through some touching and clever drawings . Danette smartly remembered to suggest an artistic-expression of emotions a couple of months later – to Cuddlebug this time. I don’t even know what it is called, but Cuddlebug’s expressed understanding of punctuation is.very.clear (and preferable to the audible kind used by many-a teen).

And here I want to insert a very early expression by our Younger Teen – formed when she was just 6-years-old.

That small (Valentine?) envelope with four words and a heart has been taped to a variety of locations in several of my ‘offices’ over the past 11 years. I know I don’t have to explain what that little piece of paper means to me. And if I could just tell you – that’s what I think of each of you, too.

(Safely said as no Dads entered the carnival.)

If not in written words or pictures parents desire affirmation of love from their children. Whatever you interpret from the expressions of your child much of the translation has to do with who you are and became before your child was born. As you watch your child unfold in life many of you express how your child has influenced your own development.

I am still learning to interpret my children’s expressions and still seeking affirmation in those expressions. K-Floortime Lite Momma is helping me continue to learn. For her truly influential entry I am awarding K the carnival prize.

Send me your mailing address, K, and I will send the prize. (Not the bear.)

April 25, 2010 in all children , child development , disabilities , giveaways , parenting , Weblogs | Permalink

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woo hoo - barb you completely made my day Thank you so very very much and I really look forward to reading the carnival Your a good mommy -sooo awesome And that picture of owl mommy and owl child is priceless -

Posted by: floortime lite mama | April 25, 2010 at 06:20 AM

This carnival was/is wonderful... keep it up darlin' I like reading how bright our children really are-- no matter the classifications/labels etc. they may have!

Posted by: Stacey Harris | April 25, 2010 at 11:58 AM

Your teen is quite the impressive artist. I play with art, teen creates art! I am looking forward to reading all of these fascinating and diverse entries and learning more about how we view childhood expressions, and just how creatively and uniquely and purposefully children express themselves. A very well done blog carnival!!

Posted by: Bethany | April 25, 2010 at 12:17 PM

I too, am once again impressed by the turnout. Well done, Barbara! And yes, Jaysen and I truly are "like mother, like son" (he wants cotton candy too!) ;)

Congrats on yet another successful carnival!

Posted by: mommy~dearest | April 25, 2010 at 04:56 PM

Also... thought you (and said teen) may like to know that while scrolling through this post, Jaysen saw the owl painting and asked "Hey! Is that VanGough"? At quick glimpse he thought it was Starry Night.

Posted by: mommy~dearest | April 25, 2010 at 04:59 PM

This is just great, I 'met' a lot of new people with great blogs and now i have a lot to read! :-) Thank you for doing this, Barbara!

Posted by: Viktoria Szolnoki | April 25, 2010 at 11:06 PM

Look who was among the earliest to read this post - K! Your joyous comment helped my day start well, too!

Thank you, Bethany - we think Teen has potential, but then, we are not objective. ;) Thank you for entering the carnival, too - although you are as likely to get a funnel cake here as m~d is to get cotton candy. :)

You have taught Jaysen well, m~d - naming famous artists and noting similar themes in art - he's ahead of his age-group. Happily, Teen still has both her ears.

Viktoria, you are most welcome. I'm grateful to you, too, for introducing us to India and her family.

Posted by: Barbara who lives here | April 26, 2010 at 01:25 PM

Wow! So many participants! What a wonderful blog carnival this was! Thanks for hosting this :) What a great opportunity for us all to get know eachother a little better too!

Posted by: Lisa | April 27, 2010 at 08:24 AM

Wow. What a lovely work of art! That larger eye cannot be mistaken, can it? Very cool.

Posted by: Michelle O'Neil | April 27, 2010 at 03:13 PM

My iffy connection is working at the moment. What a great meeting of the minds this carnival turned out to be! Again ... thanks for being the 'ring leader' extraordinaire!

Posted by: Mrs. Mac | April 29, 2010 at 12:48 AM

I want that picture! Seriously, I now see that I should have been a meaner Mammy...my teen stopped painting soon after she learned how to work a computer. I am a completely soft parent - I often develop boundaries in agreement with my kids, because I hate conflict, I don't know how to be the authoritative parent at all!

Posted by: Blue Sky | February 27, 2011 at 12:36 PM

I totaly ADORED this post The picture of the owl is AMAZING

Posted by: floortime lite mama | February 27, 2011 at 04:10 PM

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Oft times He weaveth sorrow And I, in foolish pride, Forget He sees the upper, And I the under side.

Not til the loom is silent And the shuttles cease to fly, Shall God unroll the canvas And explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful In the Weaver's skillful hand, As the threads of gold and silver In the pattern He has planned.

He knows, He loves, He cares, Nothing this truth can dim. He gives His very best to those Who chose to walk with Him.

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