Other Attachments

 

Like your sofa?

 

 

Is your kitchen full of furnished with only the most essential equipment?

 

Do you finally have that big romantic and comfy bed you always wanted?

 

 

 

Men, do you have a relationship with your car?

 

Do you name your computer(s) as well as your boat?

 

Subtitle: Attached to Stuff

So how is it we get attached to so much stuff?

Much of the stuff I value has been gifted to me. I cherish many small items given to me during my childhood by my now elderly godparents. I’m a sentimental sort, and collected a lot of little stuff by the time I finished college (the first time). [I had no furniture but I had lots of little stuff.]

I wonder how our behavior of attachment to stuff develops. I’m not sure I think it is worth studying in a scientific way (probably not possible).  I mean, what would we find out that we don’t already know?

Some people are drawn to certain stuff – collectors of stamps for instance. Why is that?  Must be genetic.  So long as the stamp collectors don’t force the rest of us to revere stamps in a costly way, I say let them be.

 

Most children are drawn to anthropomorphic* characters like Thomas the Tank Engine.  I’m interested in your theories on the source of that attachment. *the attribution of a human form, human characteristics, or human behavior to nonhuman things, e.g. deities in mythology and animals in children's stories

 

 

I’ve observed with interest how our children attached to stuff as they grew-up. And then discarded said stuff. And then wailed after I gave away said stuff [sometimes removing it in the night. Guess that was a clue I disregarded.]

Some children are influenced by the role modeling of their parents’ attachment behaviors. Yea, we KNOW that nurture affects children’s behavior. No.more.study.needed. 

Each adult must decide for his/herself how to manage the stuff in her/his life.

Hopefully to the benefit of their children. And not to the detriment of their neighbor.

 

As we enter the gift-giving season the challenge to keep stuff in its place heightens.

 

Oh.

I agree that giving is rewarding in and of itself. [Fun even.]

[While I mostly appreciate all gifts, please don’t send me a gift this holiday season. I already have too.much.stuff.]

Side story: In each of the many, many years I worked in the public schools I was surprised by the gifts given to me by the parents of the children with therapy on their IEP. Some parents brought in a whole load of gifts for every special education person who worked with their child. I was not immediately comfortable with accepting gifts resulting from my work. I think my comfort level increased when I received this little fella. So cute. Hand-painted by the mom. Don’t remember her or her child, but still he evokes a nice memory, and of a social behavior I refined as an adult.

 

Here’s something to role-model for your children – how to receive gifts.

Graciously.

My own Mom reinforced this to me in the simple saying: smile and say thank you. 

 

My Studly Hubby loves stuff, too. He, even more than me has difficulty with letting-go of stuff.

Oh.

I guess he might want to keep things that are worth nothing not valuable to me.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m attached to like stuff, too. For example, I really like the stuff hanging on the walls of our home. 

I have a stash of baby clothes I couldn’t give-up and two boxes of toys left from our children’s childhoods that come in handy when my great-nieces come to visit. [Maintained, ostensibly, for use in my therapy visits, too.] 

Another side story: Trying to prevent the ungratefulripandtossunwrapping I observed in other children at holiday gatherings, I created a family gift tradition for our children. When our oldest child [he needs a new online pseudonym] was a wee one and receiving many gifts from relatives afar I set a schedule for opening 1-3 gifts per day over about a week (similar to a couple of cultural traditions – just not the cultural tradition of my family-of-origin). SH and I set aside time each evening, didn’t rush, talked to him about who the gift was from, and videoed the whole procedure – during which he was taught to look at the camera and say thank you to whomever sent the gift. The closing dialogues for each segment of gift unwrapping reinforced the reason for the season and with him chirpily saying “goodbye camera!”

 

Another attachment confession, I LOVE my books.

Reinforcing the suspected genetic component, our children are bibliophiles, too.

Oh.

I guess they could have learned book-lovin’ from us, their parents. Sigh. [The true reason remains un-proven scientifically.]

Speaking of books, I have too many and I am going to offer a few of them to you (again).  My 7 Books in 7 Days contest begins Monday, November 16. 

My seasonally-timed conclusion is that it’s interesting that the thankful-season precedes the giving-season.

I’m thankful that I have this blog and a means of dumping good stuff sharing my wealth.

I’m thankful for my stuff, too. 

Comments

[Mrs. Mac]

Hubby and I name major 'stuff' .. i.e. our home, an old classic car .. each other ;) I don't collect to collect. Being eclectic gives me permission to have mismatched salt and pepper shakers and three colors of dinner plates (for a service of eight). My only guidance is color scheme and patina (as in a vintage/used look). Nor do I subscribe to symmetry and nearly drove my home builder nuts when I planned for a wide use of off center design. That's it ... off center and nuts ;) must relate somehow to a lack of even handed parental guidance as a child but that's for another post.

[starrlife]

I am somewhat sentimental and like lots of books and belongings to feel secure and comfy. The husband HAtes stuff, always complaining that we haven't enough room and wanting a yard sale. Books and bookshelves are a weakness of mine. When I was small I had a very large collection of stuffed animals that my mom threw away when I was a teen. Ahhh, PTSD!

[JoyMama]

So much stuff. Too much stuff. One benefit of a small house is that it provides certain stuff-parameters -- which is a help but not a solution. It's an extra challenge when you have a kiddo who gets easily overwhelmed/distracted by a cluttered environs with too many activity-choices.

I was just talking with a colleague about the relationship between too-much-stuff and too-many-options. We're blessed with so many choices that weren't available a couple generations ago. But the clutter-price affects both living-conditions and scheduling.

It looks as if the recession is going to be the occasion for a fewer-present Christmas this year among the inlaws with whom we celebrate. I view this as a positive development.

[The Barbara who lives here]

I love eclectic, Mrs. Mac. You have another unproven parental effect there. ;)

My interior decor is best described as 'personal'. My home is decorated in what I have. Most purchases are made based on need, cost and then, what I like.

I am reassured that you know how to treat that diagnosis, starrlife. ;) Seems opposites attract if we use our example of two couples, eh?

I sense a loong response to your comment, JM. I will start it in a new box.

[The Barbara who lives here]

I agree with your whole comment, JoyMama. But.cannot.resist.adding. (Seems you bring out my verbosity...)

At the end of this comment you could accuse me of taking the moral-high-ground. (But I hope you won't see it that way.)

I want to point out the merits of choosing to have less stuff over enforcing that by externals. Yea, the economy makes for an opportune time to tone down the holiday buying, but I do think it is better to choose not to buy based on principle.

I will warn you, the year we sent out notice that we would no longer acknowledge every niece and nephew's b-day and Christmas with a gift - permanent changes in many relationships. I don't think some of them are over it yet. It.has.been.an.uphill.battle.

The heightened need for simplicity in the life of a child who is easily overstimulated is the kind of reason for stuff-reduction I can buy into. But there, too, so few understand this.

My evidence is the BUSY classrooms in every school at every grade level. Walls are covered in complex and varied - everything. Things hanging from the ceilings! The sound level in any school cafeteria cannot be healthy for any of the children, my opinion.

While parents arm themselves to obtain services and goals via IEP, I wish some of them would work at quieting/uncluttering classrooms. Big resistance there. I have spent hours trying to influence a reduction in STUFF in a preschool so that a child could use their walker (instead of crawling).

The ubiquitous and common acceptance of STUFF as necessary is not easy to resist. To resist requires a decision to live differently and a belief in the reasons for that decision.

[Katie Sharp]

I cherish my camera(s), because they are now bringing in an income. I really cherish the Bible a dear friend gave me that he used for years. It has all of his writings, questions, etc.(he passed away almost a year ago)
I cherish my children more than things. My van has been breaking down almost daily and I really do not care. (Except for the fact that it is hard to get to PT without a vehicle!!) I need my kids. The stuff can go!

[Bethany]

I have been told by friends that I am the least materialistically driven person they have ever met, and I take that as a compliment. Stuff does not matter that much to me because it is just that - stuff. After having suddenly relocated without notice and having to leave behind all but a suitcase and a box of my belongings, I can say that all things are replaceable. The only things I was worried about were photographs and my journals. I am proud of the fact that everything I would want to take with me to restart somewhere else could easily fit into my car (should I be able to drive). Instead of giving things I like to give gifts like donations to charities, gifts of time, or gifts that have dual beneficiaries.
In the classroom environment I think there is a huge tendency to make sure you have as much "stuff" as possible and have it all out at once. I hate clutter, even though I am not the best at avoiding having some in my home, and so I had a place where each toy or piece of equipment was to be stored. Items were rotated in and out of the shelves to keep interest up and to keep clutter down. Also, I wanted to be able to navigate through the always too small classrooms with wheelchairs, gait trainers, and wobbly children just beginning to walk. Plus it is inevitable that preschoolers will run in the classroom and the fewer obstacles to trip over the better - we went through enough ice packs as it was!

[The Barbara who lives here]

Aaaah. Katie and Bethany, you are blog-friends after my own heart. (Not that the others aren't.) Still, 'tis good to have working tools, like a van. Tools are different than 'stuff'. Tools serve a purpose. Tools help us; like getting us to/from therapy. Sincerely, hoping you can get more reliable transportation, Katie.

Once again, Bethany, you trigger a longing for you and I to work in the same classroom. I join your other (IRL) friends in complimenting you on your values. (And it's really okay to name your belongings - esp TOOLS!)

[Rich]

My PowerMac G5's name is Amy (After a graphics design friend who got me to switch to Mac). My MacBook Pro 17" is named Avery (after a cheerful flighty former judo student of mine). My iPhone 3Gs is named Trinity (guess why? could it be the number 3...)... my Drobo Pro, multi-terabyte storage unit for my photo archive is "The Hive". My white cane is affectionately known as "The Stick" (we won't tell Elaine, my O&M)... lol :-)

I don't name my camera or my lenses... LOL

[The Barbara who lives here]

Heh, Rich. Looks like you and Bethany have something in common. Besides being single. Just saying.

[Carrie]

"Here’s something to role-model for your children – how to receive gifts.

Graciously."

So wise.

Reminds me of my Pop's advice to make an effort to ACCEPT when someone offers something to you. Even if you do not want the something, the tone of the interaction will be positive with an acceptance - and the person with whom you have interacted will leave feeling good.

(ie, He doesn't drink coffee. But he almost always accepts a cup when it is offered. I remember that.)

I think this generation has lost some measure of graciousness.

Thanks for the reminder of its value.

[The Barbara who lives here]

I love that - accepting coffee when you don't drink it. I will have to practice that one! Thank you, Carrie, for taking the time to comment.