Homing Development

When Studly Hubby and I were searching for our current home we had a few characteristics in mind. Among other amenities the win-over-factor was an added-on room with attached half-bath. What this room represented for us was a potential guest room and, later, a means of separating our future teenagers.

ManChild and Younger Teen were ages 7- and 4-years at the time. This house also had 3 comfortably-arranged bedrooms with 2 baths on the other side of the house.

Six years post-home-purchase-mortgage, we moved MC out of the smaller middle bedroom and into the room off the kitchen. Our teen and tween then had access to private bathrooms.

Now I am NOT saying a private bath is necessary for best adolescent development.

In fact, I am certain we made this decision in an effort to preserve parental sanity.

I think there is value in making parenting a little less stressful.

A significant amount of effort went into changing the functions of rooms in our house. In other words, we experienced a ‘domino effect’ where one change leads to another that leads to another. Thus revealing a repetitive state of flux – with each decision to change something in our home – often for the reason of effecting our  family harmony and our children’s development.

  Introducing

 

my second

 

 

       BLOG CARNIVAL

 

 

 

 

 Mrs. Mac (from comments) shared that she homed with parental need in mind also. 

I'm not sure I've developed my home design/function to any particular developmental ideas ... more so it's designed around comfort, ease of use (i.e. my son's bedroom is directly across the hall from mine to facilitate having to get up with him at night) ... and lots of quiet ... out of the way rooms for study & social gathering that might otherwise send our son 'over the top' from too much noise. I suppose this is a sense of safety for him. Having all of the doors and windows wired with chimes is an added bonus for any errant wandering off into the unfenced woods. Safety is my biggest concern. I suppose this is a developmental idea after all ;)

 

 

Children in My Home 

 

 

 

 

 

We were comfortably ensconced in a rental when ManChild was born. The home had a room already perfectly (we thought) decorated as a nursery. Twenty years ago there was less prenatal gender identification, and being the practical person I am, I planned a nursery décor suitable for either a boy or a girl.

Here’s an early home decision I made based on my knowledge of child development.

Infants learn visually (or develop vision or exercise their ocular muscles or build visual-cortical neural connections) best and most naturally with high contrast images - such as black and white checkerboards, black and white targets or other simple black and white designs.

I chose primary colors over pastels for my babies. (Also saved my-frugal-self by using the same nursery linens for both babies.)

Gaah!

I NOW realize the rocker-lounger was not the correct color – but it was a good deal!

 

 

 

The part of infancy when high contrast visuals has most impact soon passes.

I understand why many parents do not opt to make the same decisions as me. 

Jeanette shares (in comments also) that the changes made in her home are typical of most families with toddlers. 

My first reaction to your question was "nothing".  After thinking on this further I realized that we have indeed done things to make things easier for Sydney, but I think they are more age-related than based on disability.  Like we installed wood flooring which is MUCH easier on walking/push toys, rolling balls and cars, stacking blocks etc. We have a play center with her toys set up in our living room with a nice big area rug for her to comfortably sit and play. I covered an old ottoman which was shorter than our couches so that she had a way to pull up to standing and a soft play area (while standing) that was a comfortable height. I also have my Caboodle (80's flashback. It's a colorful container for holding my nail polishes and stuff) which is the PERFECT height for her to use as a stool. We had an IKEA stool before which she outgrew. When she was much smaller and didn't have strong trunk support, we bought this thing (sorry, I can only describe it) that went in her high chair which was in the shape of a "U” that fit around her sides and back to support her. We also used Bumbo for sitting (way back when).

  [I admitted to putting MC into a high chair when he was only 2 months old.] 

Did I mention the social learning available while sitting at the dinner table with the family?

You could rightly accuse me of being a slacker on feeding issues. Cross my carnie-heart I will post on feeding and eating this year.  Meantime, Queen Mum of Princess Abigail frequently posts on HRH eating experiences. With many photos and regally-entertaining narrative, be sure look for many details of learning to feed oneself  from my favorite French Royal.

A later effort to reduce parental stress AND promote MC’s development was to install his own personal handrail on the stairs. Yep. And Grandpa helped. And on the day when we first allowed him to descend the stairs independently while holding onto the toddler-height-handrail we videotaped the whole beautiful and perfect, one-step-at-a-time descent. Joy in the Boucher home!

[Sorry. It is on my to-do list to digitize all of our VHS tapes.] If you could see that videotape, you would also see he fell from the last step to the floor.  Still, we had many subsequent mommy-did-not-have-to-carry trips up and down the stairs for the next year. [What we did not do is take any still-shots of the double-handrails on those stairs.]

Arranging toys was purposeful in our home. A treasured gift from one of MC’s aunts was ‘pockets’. This little storage unit was named in the same way a closet is named. Hung at the correct height for his age, this item lived in every one of MC’s rooms UNTIL he moved into his teen nirvana.

 

MC did not ‘walk’ early – despite all my perfect efforts to facilitate his motor development. [And I have GREAT video of his first steps on Easter of 1991.] Still, while he was learning I purposely arranged the puzzle pieces of
this (actually MC's) puzzle in the pockets and the puzzle base on a nearby shelf, several steps away.

(You might be thinking I was excessive in my efforts to promote my children’s development.  Child development is.what.I.do.)

In our fourth home, MC and YT were 5- and 2-years respectively. The home was built into a hillside and the garage was below the two-story living area. We.did.not.double.handrail.this.home.

Parents often make decisions for the second (third, fourth) child that are different from decisions made for a first child.    Ahem.

By 4th-home-time we had accrued MANY toys. [About equal amounts - gifts from family and purchases from garage sales.]  Almost a whole closet was dedicated to 6 boxes like these [oh, these ARE some of the same boxes].

House Rule during this time period: one.box.per.day.

There were 'constants' available in the living/play area (never had a ‘play room’) like child-sized table and chairs, books, a Playskool playhouse, and for a while, a small inflated bouncer. [One more time, I have video I can’t share, yet!]

Children are drawn to novelty and their sense of time is very different from ours. A toy that has not been seen in 5 days is suddenly interesting again.

Toy choice is likely as important as toy arrangement, as Jeanette (also) commented:

Really we just focus on toys that work best for Sydney's developmental needs and challenge her - like books with single pictures of items (photos only) and we work on signs and sounds. We get toys where she has to stack, nest, and busy-box like things where she has to figure out how to make it work. She also LOVES music so we find toys/items where she does something to make music come out. I think our lives are really WAY more typical than I originally expected. Thanks for asking the question. I am looking forward to learning something from this carnival.

I don’t think you will be disappointed, Jeanette.

I direct you to the wise words of Terri - someone with, uhm, a similar amount of life experience as me.

But then I looked around and realized that we have made many adaptations for participation, which I guess does qualify as development. This is a sign to all you young parents. Though the accommodations you make at home may seem like a huge deal when you are looking ahead at them, you will assimilate some of them so thoroughly that you will forget you even made them (or I am having memory issues... nope, it's definitely assimilation!)

I love that phrase “adaptations for participation”, Terri! Be sure to visit Barriers, Bridges and Books for more of Terri's wise words.

Knowing many of you deal with diapers and potty training, I offer you the wisdom of Mama Mara - who has actually invented a home adaptation. Visit Mama on the Edge at your discretion as the hilarity is balanced with a measure of, uhm, colorful words and slang references to bodily functions. Even if you don’t read the text just seeing the photos will give a tip for creating your own.  Your own whatsheinvented.

Mommy~dearest only pretended (I think) to decline my carnival invitation. Be sure to visit The Quirk Factor for more tried and proven tips to promote child development…in your home. 

I know you all think about your homes. But I also know you often look to others to for new ideas. I also know sometimes we do things on auto-pilot. I also know sometimes people resist change. I ALSO know that the emotional toll for parenting a child with development-altering diagnosis is sometimes spent before you even enter the door of the place that should give you and your family the most comfort.

The home you create for your children.

 

 

 

I have to remind myself (often) that most people do NOT think a stander is a beautiful piece of furniture.  Much better than me, Katy reminds us that it is not about the equipment.  Peek into Katy's home (she does restrict view from one room) over at Bird On the Street. 

 

There are many tender moments shared in cyberspace. Do you think you can create a part of your home to foster those tender moments?
Lisa has.
After reading her sweet post, you might find yourself visiting The Far Side of Complexity again.  

Storytelling
by
Elizabeth Lawson Mack

 

 

Safety is high on just about everyone’s home list. More comments from I-did-nothing-Jeanette help segue into the meaning of safety:

As you know, Sydney has Down syndrome and is 21 months old. I haven't done anything to arrange my home to make things easer for Sydney. I have definitely done [insert about 17 things] … and generally keeping things below the waist level safe for Sydney to have a safe environment free from mommy micro-management.

Parental relief from constant supervision AND allowing your child a sense of freedom are both benefits from thoughtful homing.

Not thoughtful was the first person to advise JoyMama and JoyDad as to how they might modify their home for Joy. But the JoyParents are blessedly thoughtful people themselves and they share numerous homey recommendations at Elvis Sightings. For the carnival, JoyMama eloquently shares the meaning of boundaries for freedom and development - outside their home, in the yard.

Playing outside is the focus of (another) Mara’s blog. At Let Kids Play she posts information on playgrounds and toys for children with special needs. Her slide show of an outdoor play area shows her commitment to sharing - as she photographed it entirely in cold, wet weather. 

Tammy’s Parker loves to be outside in the yard, too. Tammy starts us in the yard, but gives wonderful encouragement for gleaning our homes of those things that no longer contribute to family health. 

Can you create the same sense of safety while your child is crazy for the outdoors? Can you create part of your home to allow for nearly-the-freedom of outdoors?

 

We don’t have a reflecting pool in our yard, but mirror reflection came to my mind when I read Mia’s post. It was like we thought the same thoughts.

Her carnival entry reflects the themes of reducing parental stress, of color and organization, of safety and freedom to move.

“All of these “comfort” changes in our home are used to enhance his development.” 

 

There’s more. Go read how Mia has created her home for her family and specifically for Alex.

And after she gives me an address, I will send Mia the carnival prize, the book The Littlest Angel.

There wasn’t anything for a small angel to do. And he was very homesick. Oh, not that paradise wasn’t beautiful! But the earth was beautiful too! Wasn’t it created by God, Himself? Why, there were trees to climb, and brooks to fish, and caves to play at pirate chief, the swimming hole and sun, and rain, and dark, and dawn, and thick brown dust, so soft and warm beneath your feet!
Charles Tazewell

Comments

[starrlife]

Hey Ms Barbara- I clearly missed the carnival but I love this post. It made me remember all of the things that we did; fenced in the backyard for both safety and freedom, location of bedroom for ease of access and safety (gate across top of the stairs), toy rotation, actually the living room has become her playroom, kitchen toys in the kitchen etc. Thanks for an interesting topic. I'll try to make the next carny!

[Mrs. Mac]

Wow, Barbara, you have gathered a great collection of families here to share with one another. I shall truly enjoy adding this carnival post to my blog for easy access to each and every idea here.

I'll be anxious to read/participate in the feeding issue post you have planned. After a doctor scared the wits out of me when he said if my son didn't eat by age 18 months he probably wouldn't eat (except via g-tube), I was rocketed into overdrive to 'trick' Nathan to eat. My arsenal of ideas is vast :)

[Stacey Harris]

Barbara-- my post is up--
http://frogparenting.blogspot.com/2009/04/blog-carnival-at-therextras-development.html

[JoyMama]

Excellent topic, excellent weaving of the various posts into a coherent tapestry.

Thank you.

[Danette]

Great topic, and lots of links to visit :). Thanks!

[MiaHysteria]

Barbara~ Thanks for doing this carnival and sending out such great ideas from your readers and yourself, for your readers!

The more I read, the more I am reminded of even more things we do. We must all just do some things unconsciously enough that they become part of the "norm" and not necessarily a change of how we would think to do things otherwise.

I can't wait for the book! (BTW-I call Alex my Angel).

[Ellen]

I missed the carnival too, but glad to read everyone's suggestions. This was excellent. Let me know when the feeding issue post is coming up, I have lots to say about that.

[Fawn]

Hi Barbara,

Sorry I couldn't participate. I had fun perusing all the links you included. And you got me thinking!

[mommy~dearest]

Great job! You really put a lot of work in! And of course I was just pretending to decline. :)

Congrats on your 2nd successful carnival! I still want cotton candy...

[david]

ditto what everybody else says, nice post! and i'm sure lisa appreciates the nod to hers.

[Maddy]

Gosh linking lady!

The one thing I wanted in our first American home after renting was a large kitchen that overlooked / integral to a large family room = didn't get that.

May we could move on to car desires:-
safe
a/c in the back
automatically locking doors
= done!
Cheers

[Mother Mayhem]

I'm all about creating less parenting stress! :o)

Sorry I'm late! I was Itty Bitty snuggling! LOL

Here is the link to my entry:
http://mothermayhem96.blogspot.com/2009/04/its-carnival.html

Off to peruse the links!

Thanks for being such a gracious hostess! HUG

[Barbara who lives here]

Thank you all for reading and commenting.